Have been reading through every words I wrote in the past. I remember everything.
I was not happy for years, my life wasn’t easy. I need a change. My life can’t be like this anymore.
Here is the collection of my past, though there are still some private posts I’m not planning to uncover.
The below two entries were just my brief memory logs about last year. You may click the links to see my old blog entries from 2003 to 2007.
I want my life back.
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4 6
Who can save me out of this? Is it too good to be good?
3 26
Gave out a ever-lasting gift to my dearest bro.
3 25
Dinner with WFL. Do you know I come for you?
3 24
Dinner @龍華 for Dad’s bday.
3 23
No work, I can’t work. My life is in a big mess.
3 22
Wat a mess, what am I doing?
3 21
Joined family at Megabox. Finished work and had a haircut, I was nervous for the dinner. Just wanted to tell my true feeling- my heart does not change. Again, unexpected things happened.
3 20
First review. Nice talk. It’s business, be professional. Thanks my boss for pandan cakes!!
3 16
Dinner with Danver & Dodo. It was the first time to meet the couple. It was to celebrate my bro’s bday. Nice.
3 11
Met TT @ Central. Then We walked to the pier to take ferry to TST. It seems the first time TT took the ferry @ HK. She was so excited, took many pics by her cam, behaved like a visitor. We met Brenda later and had a supper buffet @ holiday inn. I love Brenda, she’s so silly and funny. The buffet was quite good. I had a lot of sashimi, sushi, oyster and icecream!~
3 3
Dinner with Tiny
2 29
1st ice-cream crepe with Sis.
2 24
Family gathering @ my home.
2 23
K with WFL fds. Nice chat@ McDonalds afterward.
2 20
OOO with Max. He always supports me, this nite he celebrated with me for I no longer have to report to mouse.
2 19
Dinner with Phoebe. She is a funny person.
2 16
K with A
2 14
Valentine’s day without valentine.
2 7
New year gathering @ Granma place
2 6
Company new year lunch @ 北京樓, got Lai see from CEO.
2 5
Lunch with Ling. So nice we are working in Central, easier to have lunch gathering!
2 3
Watched Joey’s concert with Apple.
2 2
Never go to Watami again.
2 1
Installed HKBN. Bye HGC.
1 30
Had a day off for the master interview @ City U. First had lunch with Mum @ EXP, then had nice talk with ex colleagues. The interview, well done.
1 24
Le Festin Francais. Nice. Wine. Cheese. Tired. Sleep
1 23
Went to CWB to buy something for the office French night tomorrow. Of course, did some window shopping for myself too!
1 21
Met my ex-supervisor, thanks for all your support.
1 18
Happy birthday, but not any response.
1 16
Took the new glasses and had dinner with Apple.
1 14
Finally bought a new pair of glasses. Apple and his fd went to the center with me, then we had a quick dinner together.
1 13
Start teaching a little girl, referred by Sis.
1 9-10
Macau offsite @ Wynn Macau again…
1 6
Quick dinner before movie. Unexpected thing happened, I didn’t stop it. I want a try.
1 5
Tried Parkview @ ST. Not bad.
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12 31
Off around 3. Tutor. Waiting. Dinner. The second unhappiest new year eve in my life.
12 27
Did some shopping, hotpot@little sheep. It worths waiting until 9.30pm, cos the price before that is so expensive.
12 26
Had a great Jap dinner @ 魚一丁 tst with parents!
12 25
Family gathering @ Granma home
12 24
Tried a new restaurant, not bad. At midnight watched “Alien vs Predator 2″, crap.
12 23
Dinner with WFL classmates.
12 22
Big feast@home
12 20
Company X’mas lunch. After that Jim and I went to CWB, I fixed my ipods and we did some window shopping. Dinner with Janet and Mandy, long time no chat and meet, but still we had a lot to talk. After Dinner, Janet and I walked around MK. Miss you always, come back and stay in HK!
12 17
Dinner with CityU ex colleagues.
12 ?
Start thinking whether I should stay with the current job or go.
12 11
Doing some marking for my ex boss @ HKU
12 8
hair cut
11 28
Macau offsite @ Wynn Macau
10 26
The Nightmare Before Christmas 3-D @The Grand Cinema, The Element, with my student.
10 25
Bought Fuji Z10.
10 19
Halloween party@Disneyland. I like JACK
10 6-?
Being occupied by a translation project. Hard work.
10 3
Dinner with Phoebe, and bought a pair of headphones with her. I still remember what had happened after I left her.
9 28
Dinner with Derek + Lust and Caution@Ocean Terminal Cinema, full house, good movie yet a bit boring.
9 25
Lonely Mid-Autumn Festival
9 21
Bought mobile phone for Sis
9 15
Family day@Shatin. Tried a new restaurant on the ground floor. So-so
9 13
Crayfish party@office, everyone’s gone crazy!
9 7-9
Macau the Nth trip
9 1
Big dinner for Gran’s bday
8 29
watched 《天堂口》
8 27
Start a new job, officially.
8 25
Hair cut
8 21
Had dinner@Habitu the pier with Phoebe. Nice place, nice food and nice chat. Support you always!
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很累。今早又要去hku。惡魔又要我做速遞, 真是…… 不過他今次批准我事後可以回city, 比起留在那裡一整天總算好一點。 原本他要我去金鐘, 但為了跟放完假的同事吃午飯, 便先回又一城。見到她很開心呢! 她去了两個星期旅行, 還帶來很多好味的牛肉粒! 我每天都會吃, 好好味~
很煩。惡魔煩, 其他事也煩。上次見面後已經完全死心了, 誰不知數天之後走來跟我說這些話……我應該怎麼辦? 以前的我不會這樣煩惱的, 現在的我卻第一時間想著要避開, 就似對著惡魔一樣, 我什麼也不想去想。
我知道對這個人的感覺不一樣了。交還東西的那晚, 見面時沒有任何感覺, 這個人的表現也是一樣, 令我更覺得大家真的完了。冷淡的對答令我心只想著: 日後可以做回朋友已經很好了。 可是, 料想不到竟然在數天後再找我。當時我也感到愕然, 以為這個人發生了什麼事, 再者, 事情嚴重到要找我這個前度嗎? 我心裡很擔心, 即便應約。見到後原來沒有什麼大事…… 那總好過有事。 閒話了幾句鐘, 眼見對方有些心事, 細問之下, 終於開始了這晚的主題……
誰也想不到當晚我會聽到那些話。這是我心裡很渴望發生的事? 還是害怕的事? 但這一刻, 我知道自己不可回到從前了。我花了整整两個月的時間叫自己不要再找這個人, 我知道自己還未完全復元, 心才勉強接受分開了的事實, 這個人偏在這一刻闖進來, 把還未癒合的傷口更加擴大。那晚的話我從前聽過了無數次, 每一次都因為我很愛這個人, 我再一次相信; 每一次有問題時總想一起解決, 但每一次也沒有, 每一次的結果都是一樣, 每一次……究竟多少次了? 到底我還可以承受幾多次呢? 我很怕, 也再沒有以前哪來的力氣……
很無奈。
你近來又 再有空 我在防備 別發功 能勉強戒絕心痛 但喉嚨還在痛 你在懷舊 我也懂 還稱讚我夠上進 但可惜那時你都不相信 我道行都低估了你 我以為 撐得起 一句為甚麼不找找你 我練到 再倔強 再絕也 也永沒法比 求你別要 如從前 純熟地碰我 而我問我 為何還 能夠碰傷我 不要讓我 一敗塗地 輸得更多 ＯＨ．．． 求你別說 錯過我 其實亦愛我 何以技癢 放過我 你已彷彿有神助 一關心我已經（一講起你已經） 等於 再殺死我
昨天收到某人的短訊, 十分意外。當然不是為了見我, 而是為了取回一些東西。其實那些東西一早想交還, 只是當時某人不願意。我沒有回短訊, 晚上的電話接不到, 也沒有回, 彷彿是不想跟這個人有冷冷的對話。
今晨某人又給我兩次電話, 太早了我沒有聽, 想點?? 不要我、不肯見我時把我踼得老遠, 要找我時就非要找到不可, 我算是什麼? 扯線公仔吧! 還要這一天打來, 這一天是什麼日子, 你不會不記得吧?!
差不多兩個月了, 我不知怎樣渡過去的, 很苦很苦很苦很苦很苦, 因為搬不走的記憶, 那些片段像套播不完的電影不斷回放，我卻欠一個遙控器把它停止。還愛嗎? 還愛, 又如何? 我不懂這個人, 只覺得一切從這人口中出來的說話也很可怕。我也想自自然然地對這個人, 可以嗎? 可以, 現在可以嗎? 不!
(2006/9/15)
一早回來就給頭子訓示. 都說惡魔的strategic intelligence厲害, 不知不覺地我已經被他擺上枱了. 這一役我是徹底失敗的了. 他還好意思在頭子訓示後立即給我電話, 即是迫我聽吧…… 在電話裡我大多保持沉默, 他最後竟然叫我給他一個機會!! 救命! 我衝口而出說:” Not that serious!” (事後我跟同事說起, 真的把她笑死了, 再加上上次惡魔跟我說的”I dont wanna get dumped, please forgive what I did.” 同事反而覺得我們似戀愛中的耍花槍!!! 她哈哈大笑, 但我一點也笑不出…) 惡魔還叫我快點去看”The devil wears Prada”, 好讓我可以比較比較他和戲裡的惡魔哪個更差!! 我真想說: 這個還要問嗎……當然是你.
下午問了幾位同事意見後, 便硬著頭皮去跟頭子說清楚, 我怕他以為我在搞事, 怕他被惡魔的妖言迷惑了. 幸而他最後也明白, 我也向他喑示了會否繼續的可能性. 好, 總算讓他知道了.
其實惡魔也不是很很很很很差, 只是很很很差, 我有時想起自己對他不理不睬也真的十分不應該, 但我想起理他時他怎樣對我, 我更加知道我必須要決絕地對他. 我一定會把他要我做的都做好, 其他事, 我不會再理.
(2006/9/13)
幾經辛苦終於找到AH-MI的<完全擁有精選>, 昨晚搞了很久才把所有歌放到電話裡. 好開心, 因為我要她陪我抵擋惡魔. 原來有些歌, 十年後再聽會更加喜歡. 極度喜歡她~
雖然是颱風大雨雷暴, 仍無阻我復工的決心. 滿心喜悅精神飽滿的我一心想買一杯熱咖啡來開始新的一天, 卻被購自小食亭的”朱古力咖啡”破壞了. 這杯咖啡的難飲程度是可以令我發誓從此不再光顧小食亭
喝著難飲咖啡的我, 猶疑了數分鐘才敢打開MSN, 惡魔竟然沒有即時傳來訊息, 讓我有空思考今天的工作. 見同事回來了, 便問她我應該怎樣做. 期間惡魔終於”震動”我, 但令我更不想回應……情況持續了2.5小時, 最後我給他回了EMAIL: “…… frankly, I dare not talk to you so please email me.”
Well done. Since then devil stopped calling and msning me but only sending emails. Like what he said he was, I was frustrated too. Wanna tell him what my true feeling was but I was abstained from his strategic intelligence, I kept all words. Solely email discussion made my life much easier.
(2006/9/12)
這個人令我再一次開始寫blog.
連日來的交流, 令我獲益良多. 從這個人身上, 面對來自四面八方的壓力和衝擊的態度 我看到無比強大的意志, 信心和氣量, 強得令人吃驚及敬佩. 當[某某]面對來自四面八方的壓力和衝擊的態度, 相比下我現在的處境實在不算什麼. 我一直打從心底的愛及支持這個人, 原來當我熬不過的時候, 這個人也在無聲無息地在背後給我向上撐, 成為我一大精神支柱, 多謝你
近月來的精神折磨到了這一刻終於要爆發.連續兩天的假期, 是壓力沖到盡頭的結果. 這兩天裡我什麼也沒有想, 也不想去想, 只知道身體需要完全的放鬆, 好讓自己能有充足精神回去迎戰. 雖然明白逃避不是辦法, 但每天的攻防戰確實累垮了我. 這一刻不期然想起[某某], 我也要一股氣衝過去
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